Throughout my life, there have been very few moments where I have been entirely pleased with myself.  It stems from years of believing that I was not good enough because I was not thin enough. The people I would look up to were skinny people, and by society's standards, I wasn't skinny.

My mother did the best she could, but as many Latinx moms, weight was a significant topic of discussion. The occasional " No comas eso.. eso engorda." was thrown at me with such ease. In very subtle, but powerful ways, I was led to believe that my body was something I had to work on to feel happy. I was encouraged to diet and to watch what I ate. At that age, you shouldn't worry about your appearance. As a young girl, your world is already hard enough. The small microaggressions towards my weight were too much to handle as a 16-year-old girl. It wasn't just from my family; it also came from boys in High School. The comments from people around me were debilitating, and I soon began to associate skinny with beauty. At 16 I started to flourish into a woman, and my body began to change. My hips began to widen, and my breast enlarged significantly. I wasn't skinny, but I was at the weight I needed to be for my age. I look back an look at the pictures, and I feel incredibly uncomfortable at how much hate I had towards my body.



In between then and now, my body has gone through weight gain and weight loss. I gave birth in 2010 to my son, and I struggled to lose the excess amount of weight I gained. In 2013 I became a Vegetarian in hopes of speeding up my weight loss. That same year, my anxiety was at it's highest. I wouldn't eat because I was terrified of gaining the weight back. I lost an extreme amount of weight, and I even lost a lot of hair. I wasn't doing things correctly and I suffered a lot to regain control over my mind and body.

Now, I can say things have changed much or that I have found the perfect recipe for self-love. Every day is a struggle. There are days where I feel entirely empowered, and I am at the top of the world, but I also have days where I utterly loathe myself.  Daily, I have to remind myself that I am worth it an that I am enough. The Journey to self-love is a steep and challenging journey because chaning behaviors and thoughts you have had your whole life is not easy.  Now, I am on a healthy journey to acheive my happiness. I exercise daily and I do not restrict myself on food, but I do watch what I eat. My goal is to explore th negative feelings and change them for the better.